and it continues ’till it doesn’t

every time we part ways

i’m left with something still to say

the time spent together

never enough

to get out

whats lingering

beneath my breath

the depths of our conversation

never too deep

 

you could be mad at me

berate me

for leaving you

so nonchalantly

for not thinking about how that affects you

maybe torments you

But i never wanted to give myself that much credit

assumed your feelings for me only tepid

 

our romance was a classic tale of summer time

simple and sweet

began from a rendezvous on the beach

we jived, imbibed

went and stayed in places

side by side

And then I left

our time together cut short

leaving you with no retort

yet still lingering in each other’s minds

as even overseas

we shared with each other rhymes

 

why do you even respond

if you don’t intend to give into this blonde?

why do you even answer

if you don’t want to see this colorful disaster

that might be you and me

it could be more than just something to throw aside

I’d really love to no longer hide

my feels for you

that i’ve so tried to subside

and divide

and conquer

maybe partly with weed and liquor

and boys that move quicker

and are slicker

because you don’t want to give me

what I want

what I need

I need to face it

you’re not into me

its so plain to see

yet, I refuse

I continue

to persist

unable to resist

reaching out

just to see if you’ll give me

give me anything

somehow, I’m suddenly dramatic

not at all pragmatic

fantastic.

is this a lucid dream?

are you what you seem?

are you lying to me?

I could be crying apparently

I’ve never cried over you and I’ve never felt the need to

Yet surprisingly now, I’m compelled to

It’s hitting home you’re not gonna be the one

to cut my time alone

 

I read the words I write

I breathe and take in the spite

the deep deep feels of hate and distaste

and remember I should not waste

moments on you

seconds on you

although the sex with you

I try to downplay

our connectedness

But it was the best with you

I ignore the rejectedness

again I push send test

test your response time

and how every word formulates in your mind

about me

if there are thoughts about me

 

oh, the gaiety of naivety

of having the question

of leaving it unanswered

and suddenly its cancered

because the mystery is no longer exciting

its just painful nail biting

somehow the patterns have arisen

loops circles tops spinning

its too frustrating

your hesitation

to take me

to hold me

to make me

something real

and raw

and in between

resonating within the unseen

forgetting all that hasn’t yet been

 

not in the deep

but at the peak

the peak of my ability

am I one to chose stability?