it’s not about you

August 31st, 2017


I leave the other notebook unfinished

a few blank pages left

maybe our story is finished

and thats fine

but what if just maybe

its not?

its delusional to hold onto that? or optimistic?

to rely on something atavistic

may very well be either

can it be seen as altruistic?

i thank you for you time and go away

have a good day

so i’ve moved on

remained strong

despite the prolonged

and unnecessary pain sustained

but who’s to blame?

who can say

my inflections are strange

as i rearrange


through deliberations

in revealing differences

and annotating new references

ignoring deference

ignoring reticence


Are you listening?

Truly, I cannot be certain

As I try to peak behind the curtain

of your facade

so tell me

am I the broad

you wish to succeed

your aforementioned flames?

An assortment of colorful dames

no doubt

but I am not without

a personality like that horse of another color

a radiant creature like no other

so can you handle me at my best?

my unrelenting spirit

and casual persistence

as we do this modern dance

this flowery and go with the flow romance

and we accept the chance

that this may only be a summer dalliance





“it’s not about you”

because it’s not

maybe you realize that

maybe you don’t

but the things I’m assured of

have decreased in quantity

as I willingly admit

my naivety

but you don’t accept the gravity

of the consequences

of your limited responses

as they lend further reticence

and finally I’m not there

once you finally appreciate my presence

i’ve vanished into thin air

so fuck off and find another

like becky with the good hair




I’ll meet you there

I’ll see you there

wherever that may be

so when you tell me

we’re doing this

let’s actually do this

this , this, I don’t know what this is

but I like this

This, this, confusing

but alluring

charming yet annoying

mind blurring

heart racing

could i be tasting

something real

something real for now





Did I ever tell you you’re the sexiest?

let me put your worries to rest

you’re really the best

an incredibly sexy beast

on which my eyes love to feast

some may say its because of your height

other think its your fine behind thats nice and tight

but let me tell you, these things are just frosting

on the cake that is you

yes, i am charmed by the tree branches you have for arms

but what gets me the most turned on

and the basis for why I’m so fond

is your intellect

your mental state

the way we can debate

and how we so easily relate

and how you anticipate

my feelings , and reactions

and how they counter your actions

but we make peace with factions

and move towards points of relaxation

so wrap yourself around me

and i’ll succumb to your wit

and bit by bit

open up to each other

in ways more than  physically lit


Whether of timing that was wrong

or an opportunity just gone

why do you still seem to reach beyond

you persist

and i do little to resist

the inversion of our pervasions

confused me and amused me

challenge accepted

despite being constantly rejected

so I dreamt of you

after not even seeing you

and i spent my thoughts on you

because how could i not

but be into you

you’re too affable

together we’re all too laughable

egging each other on

while not coming on too strong

because actually together?

we’re not.

despite what my heart has sought

are things between you and i

really all for naught?

is there a purpose?

to this half hearted circus?

our colorful robes

and mismatched clothes

coincide with our

with our reluctance to unify

rebel against the expected

continue on despite feeling rejected

instead focus on the time invested

there’s worth in our small moments

and i will collect them like tokens


you tell me to shh

you tell me not to be her

the loud one

the bold one

the one that comes undone

loose like a cannon

but if i want to sing rihannon

and belt into the night

letting my voice take flight

my words to breathe at new height

is that a possibility

can i lend myself to vulnerability ?

that shows the world what i really think

about things that lead me to the brink

the brink of my sanity

the different realms of realities

slowly receding

and as my heart is bleeding

i consider conceding

but to what duty

of what beauty

do i owe this world built on futility?


some like it hot

so drop that top

bare your chest

that golden summer glow is the best

forget the rest

the moment is now

you’re lovely

me too

so let’s have summer love

because we like it hot

and such fun

can’t be bought


the wordplay

the clever things you say

to make my fucking day

you’ve got me in such a way

whatever you want

i’m under your sway

so please

let me stay

stay in your arms tonight

hold me tight

love me tenderly

love me right


aggressive or retrospective?

i know how things have gone

sometimes right

sometimes wrong

forever some sort of forlorn love song

is that okay?

is that for the best?

what about the rest?

will my heart forever be bested?

is it too much what i have requested?


it’s green and then its red

but why for me is it always blue

a haze of cobalt days

a dream built on navy hues

and the desperation in your gaze


i want more of your words

more of your presence

its not me

that you see

its merely a reflection of what i could be

what i wish to be

come shower with me

come tower over me

be my stronghold

be my present to unfold

scoop me up

pull me in

as i lather soap over your skin

and we truly begin

to see each other

to feel each other

how have we gone so long

without one another?




go down on me

surround me

astound me

subtly profound

astutely wound

to be newly rounded

lead me to be numb

and utterly dumbfounded


out of touch

too in touch

maybe i am too much

too strong

too weak

can i help it if my soul needs to speak?

how to live your life on a dare?

dare me to live fully

dare me to give wholly

everything i can

in this one life span

that is mine


Mr right now

mr right timing

the clock be slow to winding


stop everything for this moment now

let me show you how

you can go inside my panties with your mind

slip inside my wet walls

listen to my voice and it rises and falls

let me be your canvas

paint magic on my skin

and sink sink sink

deeper and deeper in



moments with you

tokens of you

collected, this myriad

coins from around the world

you heard my herald

you saw me spin

and for right now, you win

me, exactly as I am, a prize

quite a feast for your eyes

so take me all in

let the caressing begin

run your fingers across my soft layers

and peel them away, as the night gets later

as you stimulate me intellectually

and I can’t help but want you sexually

and you say all the right things

pull all the right strings

and the beads of our conversation are strung

one topic leading naturally to the other

and we inhale deeply into our lungs

the herbal remedy of which many songs are sung

on and on and around we go

and you have me spun



give me that hardness

that goes along with this naked recess

as you kiss this hot mess

you do your best

to please the man in the boat

and when you make him finally cum

you gloat

at my face twisted in pleasure

what a fantastic way to pass time of your leisure

and so you ensure

that i’ll keep coming back

for more, more fun

of the sinful sort

and for you i will contort

and let you ride

and dive

into my waters

you can wade

and we’ll have relayed

my hand on your baton

hurry up and put your sheath on

and then please penetrate me

with your sword of a hard on




not my husband


you hold me while

I unfold me

you’re a step in a very different direction

and as you get to know me

section by section

I feel the space

with constant reflection

I feel the now

ignore the how

drive the road endowed

with secret places

now said out loud

and independent feelings ignited

my choices, my life

with magic fuel I am flighted

a mysterious energy of your pull

motivating me to go full

full throttle on this

midwestern encounter of a dalliance

because, perchance

you’re one I can be someone with

or perhaps

this is a short lived albeit passionate romance

of a new experience

that we can both learn from

and be there for each other

through this new process

and make this also a nude protest

of clandestine connections

and body to body sensual revelations

will you be the man to help me embrace the new me?

the I’m going after happiness me?

let me casually rock your cock while you moan with me

And we seize the moments as they cum

and we cum

together we set aside an importance

of ignoring the reluctance

to go for what feels good

despite not making sense

refute the presence of energy tense

and put ourselves out there

to see what’s there

because, fuck, I think I do care


Man in a boat

Man with a boat

Captain of my ship

as we lock lip to lip

bite to being bit

lick from nip to nip

sip while I taste

your girth and your curvature

and you relish in the contact of my wet nurture

on your bristled face

and we ride waves

that push us to more intensely collide

my space

into your space

and on your stature

I felt my body relied

relied on you to hold me still

relayed to you my need to be filled

filled with your length

enter the space

between my length

as the light fades

and we continue to rocking

as the water is breaking

we roll and twist to the energy in the air

about anything else we don’t care

these love making moon children

they’re own groove they’ve been given

and now they have finally found in the other

a little slice of moonlit heaven


bday sex

put to the test

better than all the rest

make my hairs a mess

topsy turvy are my sheets

as we bump and grind on repeat

and you eat

eat my sweet silky softness

and i give your nips the subtle caress

of my licked lips

push me pull me

i’ll let you control me

as we moan you remind me

of what it is to be purring

toes curling

as you lend to my pleasure

and i take you in

measure by measure