get back to where you once belonged

December 12th, 2016

It feels really good to be home. Everyone is asking. And of course it does! Its comfortable, I know where I’m going without constantly looking at a map, and its great to see all my people. As soon as I was picked up by my friends at the airport, I felt comfortable, and able to really be myself without censoring or worrying about how something translates. I do love Chicago, I’ve talked about it with everyone I’ve met for the last few months. My neighbourhood is so lovely, good restaurants, chill bars. And its all true.

I started to feel weird about everyone asking how it feels to be back, and I realize I need to remember that not many people have done something like what I have, so partly they are asking how I feel because they truly may not know. But, this is my third time coming back from being abroad, so I don’t understand if this time should feel different. It doesn’t really. It feels normal. Some things are different but mostly everything is the same. Which has how its felt every time I’ve come back. I don’t want it to be a big deal, but I can’t help if other people do, and I shouldn’t be weird about it if they do, because it is a big deal for a lot of people.

In my desire to make trips like this a norm for my life, I am downplaying my accomplishments, which I’ve always been prone to do. Do many people feel so constantly pulled in two directions? There’s this desire to feel confident in my experiences and abilities and then immediately the urge to humble myself. Maybe its part of that thing, ‘the more you know, the less you feel you really know?’ So yes, I can acknowledge that I know and have done more than I did before, but within that, I’ve realized there’s so much more I don’t know, and haven’t done, and want to do.

I’ve also been thinking a lot about priorities. There’s a lot that I want to do, but there are some things I want to do as soon as possible and some things that I feel that I can save for later, and if I don’t get to them, that’s okay. I think this can be linked to what I learned on my trip, prioritising where I needed to be and when was an integral part of how well my trip worked out. I’m really trying to apply what I learned on my trip to my life. While I was traveling, I wasn’t sure exactly what I was learning, and now with some time to process, a lot of lessons are coming to light. Its really exciting to be able to now reflect and let everything settle in. The most important being to relax and let everything work out. I don’t want to stress out about anything now that I’m back. That would negate the whole point of this amazing experience I just had. I was so stressed and anxious before I left, and really so chill once I got going here and there and everywhere. And I want to maintain that peace now that I’m home. I’m confident that I will.

I love Chicago, and if I want a home base, I need to keep coming back here to nurture the relationships that have meant so much to me for so long. I love that Chicago is that for me. If I can repeatedly adjust to being in a different country and culture, I can most certainly readjust to life at home. It’s fun to back and rediscover the city. My city.