We are living in a Bizarre World:
• If a dude pretends to be a woman, you are required to pretend with him.
Do we not have freedom of expression? Freedom of sexual expression? Should we not all be treated equally regardless of how we dress or make ourselves up? Why do women have a market on make-up and dresses? Women can wear pants, men can wear dresses. To each their own. 
• Somehow it’s un-American for the census to count how many Americans are in America.
The census needs to account for everyone living in America… in order to comply with our idea of democracy and representation… no?
• Russians influencing our elections are bad, but illegal Mexicans voting in our elections are good.
Mexicans are a part of our economy and are subjugated to the decisions of our leaders… Russians are not. 
• It was cool for Joe Biden to “blackmail” the President of Ukraine, but it’s an impeachable offense if Donald Trump inquires about it.
It is impeachable to blackmail the President of Ukraine… which is what Trump did…
• Twenty is too young to drink a beer, but eighteen is old enough to vote.
Okay? Then we need a health system that appropriately deals with mental health and an education system that supports and wisens our youth. 
• Sexualizing children is bad, but 11-year-old drag queens are good.
Freedom of self expression… Dressing in drag is not about sex. It is about performing. It is a form of self expression and entertainment and about having pride in your own form of beauty. It is praising the feminine ideal while breaking down toxic masculinity. Everyone should see more drag shows. 
• Illegals aren’t required to show ID, but citizens can’t buy cough medicine without it.
The Opioid crisis is real and needs to be combatted anyway it can. Illegal Immigrants are people and have a set of basic human rights that include being able to relocate to better their lives and even after moving here are live in fear for their lives and for their families. You can show your ID if you’re buying powerful drugs. 
• Citizens are fined if they don’t buy their own health insurance, and then they are forced to buy it for illegals.
We need a healthcare system for all Americans, many legal and low income. 
• People who have never owned slaves should pay slavery reparations to people who have never been slaves.
The ones who descended from those who profited from slavery historically are still benefitting from a broken system… The ones who descended from slaves are still disadvantaged because of a broken system… There could be a better system in place to prop up the lower socioeconomic tiers of society that have been disadvantaged by racist laws throughout history. People of color could not buy land in every part of the country until 1950. Land entails wealth and stability. White people have an advantage in that. In many places around the country, an unfair land advantage given our history. 
• Inflammatory rhetoric is outrageous, but harassing people in restaurants is virtuous.
Harassing people who are trying to take care of themselves and their bodies is okay? Like those going for abortions? But not fixing a broken foster care and adoption system is fine? Not sorry your dinner was interrupted when our plans to take care of ourselves are constantly interrupted and defunded. 
• Immigrants with tuberculosis and polio are welcome, but you’d better be able to prove your dog is vaccinated.
It is completely normal to travel for better healthcare. Diseases are the worst when they come from animals. It is how most pandemics have started. 
• Irish doctors and German engineers who want to immigrate must go through a rigorous vetting process, but any illiterate Central-American gang-banger who jumps the southern fence is welcome.
That’s so racist – I can’t even. The US policies that have negatively affected Central Americans is not to blame at all? 
$5 billion for border security is too expensive, but $1.5 trillion for “free” health care for illegals is not.
How is it so clear that illegal immigrants are getting healthcare? There are better things to put federal funds towards than a wall that would literally destroy the ecosystem along the border and ultimately wouldn’t do what it was put there to do when funds could be redirected in so many more beneficial and effective ways. 
• If you cheat to get into college you go to prison, but if you cheat to get into the country you go to college for free.
Education is a basic human right. The University system is a racket regardless of who is in attendance. 
• Politicians who say that the President is not above the law put illegal immigrants and themselves above the law.
There are plenty of immigrants here illegally but the opposition to immigration seems racist as focused on black and brown immigrants. There are laws that regulate immigration, among all the laws that we live under as a nation. Laws are disproportionately applied to immigrants of color. White men with money are the ones that buy themselves out of any kind of retribution for their capital crimes.
• People who say there is no such thing as gender are demanding a female President.
No one is saying that there is no such thing as gender, but there are many facets that have been socially constructed in how we think about proper roles. Hormones and chemicals are real. Societal gender roles have restricted females from opportunities and we want a fair chance at representation and leadership. Women are treated as inferior by the patriarchal system historically in power. America is one of the worst countries in the world to have a baby. Female representation in our power structure could help ameliorate the conditions for mothers and children alike. 
• Illegals don’t pay taxes, but they get tax refunds.
Says who? The 1% gets away with tax avoidance and fraud constantly. Why aren’t you upset with them? Because they made their money on their own? And not on the backs of others? 
• We see other countries going Socialist and collapsing, and it seems like a great plan to us.
There can be a balance between capitalism and socialism that would offer more equal opportunities to all. It is okay to explore new methods of governance when the world has changed. 
• Voter suppression is bad, but not allowing the President to be on the ballot is good.
That is not an argument against Voter’s rights. Our right to vote and be fairly counted should be one of the pillars of our society… We need an outlet from Tyranny. 
• Fourth-of-July parades are bad, but parades of women dressed as vaginas are good.
Being patriotic is fine, but nationalism is dangerous. Women can dress however they want. That’s the point. There needs to be more pride in having a vagina. Period. 
• Some people are held responsible for things that happened before they were born, and other people are not held responsible for what they are doing right now.
President Trump doesn’t take responsibility for any of his ill doings… Most of the 1% don’t either… and the prison system is filled with people that don’t belong to be there but are being taken advantage of by a privatized system. 
• Criminals are catch-and-released to hurt more people, but stopping them is bad because it’s a violation of THEIR rights.
Stopping someone because they “look” like a criminal is extremely racist. 
* And pointing out all this hypocrisy somehow makes us “racists.”
Yes, you are racist. 

We met on a party bus traveling from Seoul to the Mudfest out on the murky west coast. After the dirty mirth of the weekend, we exchanged information because I told you I would be coming to Octoberfest someday.

A couple years later, you invited me to meet you in your college town on the week of your vacation. I alighted from the bus and saw your smiling face and looked up at your kind eyes and we cautiously hugged. We had some kolsch in Cologne along the river in those tiny glasses brought around by ladies with circular beer caddies. You told me of your years attending Carnival and the drunken, costumed festivities that ensued. We wandered around with all my bags and guitar hanging off our shoulders. We stopped to have a beer and reminisce about Korea and all the fun times we had there, separately, but of the same spirit. We reached your apartment among the cobblestone streets of Aachen and you gave me your room and slept across the hall. Your hospitality astounded me and I slept peacefully in your bed among your mostly empty bottles of soda water, staring at the pictures of your family and friends.

We went on a hunt for soju and we did find a solo bottle on the shelves! We rode bikes around the hills of Aachen and up to the precipice overlooking the city. You took me out to super cute local bars and we had cheap shots with gummy treats in them and played darts. I sang Amy Winehouse at you while we danced. You won the game and said your prize is to have your bed back. I said I was fine with that.

We laid together all night and neither of us made a motion to take things any further than a sweet cuddle.

Until the morning came, and we found each other aroused and thirsty for the other. Your tender affections and gentle positioning were so lovely to experience.

We took a car to the town where you grew up. “Lost Boy” came on the radio and you enjoyed that you could understand it because it was slow enough. I enjoyed it because I am a lost boy.

Your parents welcomed me with open arms and showed me to the bunk beds in the spare room. Your dad served us some beers as we got acquainted and we chatted with your sister as your parents tried to follow along.

You showed me around the town and took me up to church steeples. We went hiking. It was gorgeous and we spoke of music, my love and your fear of horses, and our romantic histories. We had beers at the restaurant at the top. We crossed streams and fields and farms. You wandered off the path and told me I should set up my hammock among the trees… so I did… and oh, did we swing that red parachute thing.

We hung out with your boyhood friends in the basement of the church you attended growing up and you had me play guitar while you funny boys laughed about your time at summer camp and nights around the fire. They tried to speak English so I would feel included but I felt the love even if they slipped into their native tongue. They spoke of their class pet, a parakeet, or, a budgie. I inwardly marveled at my connection to a budgie, as that is a childhood nickname of mine. We played beer pong and we beat your friends and you were so happy. We made out in your kitchen when we got back to your house and then we went into our separate rooms to retire, much later than you planned.

Your mother’s derndl fit me nicely and you looked adorable in your leiderhosen. You were hung over as we took to the train to Munich, but you perked up when we got to the fest and you took me on the ferris wheel.

We were alone in the house upon our return. You welcomed me down the hall. I’ve never had anyone else make love to me the way you did that night.

A flight from O’hare

A layover in Ohio

A day in New York in spite of 

A strange encounter with a lady with a birdcage 

A missing bag on a bus got us waylaid 

A stop in Central Park to sit on a rock 

Bagged lunch from a cute little corner shop

Bench in a park with an old friend by the UN

Beverages on the roof in Manhattan

Babe’s making waves and marrying Italian men

Books on the terrace of the library

Buses to Newark, New Jersey

Cheap Norwegian Air flight

Comfortable seats to our delight

Coming back to Paris on the tail of a breeze

Cups of espresso by the Catacombes under trees

Classes in college flashbacks occur

Decidedly we’ve seen that lion of stone fur

Ducklings back then we were

Decade later, meeting up with a boy we knew back then

Down some blocks from Republique, remember that from way back when?

Down some happy hour pints and champagne

Enjoying Paris as it’s all the same 

Eating croissants and fruit on the streets

Eavesdropping the French words as our feet make beats

Forcing our French onto our retail assistants 

Fancy eyelashes for photos and cobblestone dances

Fulfilling fantasies of long ago dreamt dreams 

Galavanting about with shopping bags bursting at seams

Going back and forth along rivers and over bridges

Gazing up at le Tour Eiffel of lit up ridges

Having a cup sur la rue

Happy times wandering and looking at you

Hookah on the lawn in front of le tour

Handsome tanned boys selling liquor

Hopping over to the canal 

Inspiring one another to pose more banal

Inklings of sadness in our calm repose 

Inching towards the reflections of our toes 

Imbibing wine and forgetting our woes

Inspiring smiles along the stoned rows 

Joking and laughing every other moment

Kidding and not – all in the same enjoyment

Loving this night and all the good times previous

Looking ahead to the German festivities

Making last minute conversations last too long

Missing the bus and rushing along

Mishaps with backpacks

Maps gone awry 

Near to the stop but not near enough, don’t cry

Not on the next bus

No such luck

Options limited and expensive to behold 

Optimism and comfort at a new low

Pick a bench and try not to scold

Pick some baguette and some jelly to mold

Queries and setbacks alas 

Realize we’ll stick it out and this too shall pass

Snag some tickets for a reasonable amount

Smoke our last smokes no doubt

Take the bus to the city of the Dutch 

Two hours to spend in a cafe and have a cup

Unwind and get ready to board 

Understand sometimes this is just the way of the Lord? 

Very grateful to have made this train 

Very relaxed after such a strain

Walking through the steel station 

Walking away from a stressful situation

Xylophones of transit as we leave this country for its neighbor

You and I relax and the ride we savor 

Zealous as we head towards Jules our dear Berliner friend 

Zany as we glide through Europe for weeks on end 🙂

I think the dilemma in the #metoo era over Kobe Bryant’s reputation is a very interesting one. I think we can offer him redemption for the mistakes he’s made. I think we can see that he asked for forgiveness and that he loved his daughters and supported them with all his heart.

I think men can be victims of rape culture and kind of unknowingly commit acts of transgression on others. I think this has been a consequence of the patriarchal world we live in. Men have felt entitled to do as they please without concern for the ‘lesser’ for literally most of history.

As a bartender at a neighborhood sports bar, I get asked pretty often if I enjoy watching sports. I can’t say I hate them. I think the human spirit and the strength and agility that comes into being a professional athlete is immense and to be respected. I also think the football players’ butts are cute and the ladies’ tennis outfits are adorable.

However, I also think about several other things when I watch sports. (Usually what is on television at the bar are male dominated sports…but aren’t all sports male dominated?).

These men get paid so much damn money. What women and how many of them get anything near what these guys make? Sure, women are making incredible strides, but they have to work so much harder to make a name for themselves.


These men are physically sacrificing themselves for their sport and for the love of the game and for their financial gain. How much are they sacrificing mentally or emotionally? Aaron Hernandez sacrificed his education, his mental health, and his romantic and platonic relationships because the game was more important.


What good do these men do for society besides offering a source of entertainment and ultimately fluff when it comes to the commoner’s day-to-day? Is that a problem or not? Is that good enough?


Do these men do any charity for their community? Do they do enough? Are they inspiring young athletes and the poorest of the poor to go after their dreams?


Is there a corollary between the physical prostitution of professional sports and the physical pawnage of the military?


When people ask if I like sports, I usually ask them in return if they really want to know what I think about when I watch sports….


If men can, so to speak, prostitute themselves, physically sacrificing themselves for entertainment or the advantage of weaponry, and be respected and honored for it, then why can a woman not strip or offer her sexual services to men for exorbitant amounts of money and get respect and honor for it? Or get paid outright for having children and ultimately giving birth to these able bodied men? Yes, maybe that’s what alimony is, but we shouldn’t have to divorce a man to be taken care of financially. If a man makes extreme amounts of money for sacrificing his body, why can’t a woman? Why is she shamed for 1. not wanting to be a mother and making money from her sexy appearance? 2. using her head and not her sexy appearance to her advantage? Even men when using their bodies for their sexual appeal are more respected than women who do it. Look at drag queens. Women can’t strut on stage in the same manner as a gay man without being slightly judged. Burlesque is becoming more accepted but it’s always had a slightly seedy reputation. Why?

The patriarchy wants to be in control over how we use our sexuality to our advantage, and it usually ends up ultimately being to our disadvantage.

This is what I think about when I watch sports.

The most recent article my dad sent my mom was discussing how Greta Gerwig’s new Little Women doesn’t align with Lousia May Alcott’s intentions of faith as the true path to peace and love within family and life.

To that I say, what the fuck does it matter? Greta Gerwig’s feminism is what females and general audiences need to see today. I haven’t even seen it yet, so I’ll say more after that happens, but I already know that much without even needing to see it. Art inspires art. Since when does the remake rely on being exactly like the original? Besides the Disney cartoons being made into live action, nearly none of the remakes or redoes or homages to previous films can 1.live up to the OG or 2.is sometimes even better than the OG 3. and yes, of course, oftentimes worse. I don’t believe Gerwig’s adaption could be worse; different, sure, but isn’t that to be expected? Wouldn’t we be disappointed if it was exactly the same so many years and events later?

The most recent article my dad sent me was in defense of old white men everywhere. Rex argues that these qualities when combined are now unjustly working against men of this description because the prejudices of the new generations towards age. He argues that it is just not fair because age means experience and wisdom and their opinions and value must not be discounted.

Fuck you, Rex. How long have white men ravaged on throughout history about how one race or the other sex is less than the Western white male power?? Literally forever. And now, minorities are speaking up, women are speaking out, and you’re just not as cool or wise as you once were. Get the fuck over it. Support your fellow human specimens regardless of their race or gender, which is technically what Rex is also advocating for, but in the defense of old white men, it falls flat.

Being old today is not necessarily an insult, (as much as “okay, boomer” may be seen as such,) it only is if you can’t keep up with the woke of the world. If you resist and reject the youth’s trends towards open mindedness and fluidity, you’re the ignorant ones. You’re not wise. Just because you’ve been on this earth for longer than we have does not necessarily mean you are the smart ones and we are not.

Of course everything is relative, but are we not experiencing so much catastrophe in a short amount of life? Maybe we are learning rapidly, and more quickly than you learned your life lessons? The wars you lived through were abroad. The wars we are waging today are happening right here.

We actually do respect our grandparents, it’s those just young enough and just old enough that think they know what is best for us when really it is becoming a whole new world from what the previous generation knew. We can no longer get one job in one place to work at for 20 years plus. We can have 5 different jobs in less than 10 years. We can get married young but we are also free to divorce younger and find new partners. We can quit our jobs and travel for awhile because we don’t have kids yet, and many of us are deciding maybe we don’t need to. We are owning our lives and our experiences and our observances in ways that the older generation is dismissive of because they find it rude to expose yourself so fully.

Keep those things to yourself, older generations might say. How many times have I felt dismissed when I’ve spoken of my period around, in particular, older men? How is that fair? Yes, men, you are half of our population, but no, just because we are feminists does not mean that we are misandrists. We love men and what we can be with them and for them and vice versa. But we’ve also put up with our more than fair fucking share of men who talk down to us simply because we are women, who don’t respect our opinion because we’re young or pretty, or even worse, both.

For a petty example,  younger females in the restaurant industry may have ten plus years in the beer industry and know exactly what we’re talking about, and even if you old men have been drinking beer for twenty plus years, we’ve been drinking a variety of way better shit, and the complexities have multiplied and since we have grown with the growth we’ve been able to keep up in ways that you actually haven’t. So maybe you should take our advice. Maybe you do only like what you like, but isn’t that proof of your inability to grow? I understand standards, and habits, and I’m not putting those down by suggesting you try this new award winning beer.

Maybe you old white men should start taking our younger and more nuanced advice. We are all products of our environments, truly, and wholly, and to break tradition or to be different than societal expectations is fucking hard. You should know. Honestly, I believe you old men resent us for your “inability” to go after your dreams in your youth like we are doing now. You resent us for dating a myriad of people and being really fucking picky about who we commit to. You resent us for having the balls to tell our elders off. You resent us for being gay because you’ve been closeted your whole life because toxic masculinity has made it impossible for you to express your true feelings and misogyny is so real that even feminine characteristics are looked down upon, the most important one of them being the ability to be vulnerable.

Women and minorities have been dismissed for long enough. And now, you’re upset at being dismissed? We’re actually not even trying to do that… We are open to conversing and discussing… but are you? You seem to just be telling us that we’re wrong… again. We’ve heard that all our lives, so we won’t be shy to refute it now. We’ve gathered strength now. We’re getting even stronger now.

Yes, in our liberal left party of diversity and inclusion and intersectionality, we have come down to two old white men for candidates to represent our party in the presidential race. This does not mean that they are still the best options for our governance. It means that the system is fucking twisted and broken and is gonna take a lot more work to overcome the misogynistic and racist structure that runs the world.

It does not mean that old men white are the smartest or wisest or best for the job. It means we have a lot more battles before we win the war on patriarchy. I mean patriarchy as the system on which our nation thrives. I do not mean individual men, one of those individuals is one of 7 billion people in the world that I love very much. Men are not better than women. Women are not better than men. We can work together and be better together, but it takes compromise and relentless pursing of our goals if we want to see change happen. We know that. We’re fighting the good fight everyday. Just because we’re not winning yet, doesn’t mean we are gonna stop trying. Youth is not better than age, but fresh perspectives can solve age-old problems, and the most intelligent youth do learn from their elders, importantly, they learn from history, so trust that will still happen, and do not belittle our efforts because you feel dismissed. Go travel or something. (Basically, go fuck yourself?) Make way for us young and femme and diverse. We will change the world for the better eventually whether you like it or not.

Make way for new interpretations of old stories. It’s our time to tell our stories, new and old, from our own fucking perspectives now.

If my dad says that the misogyny I see is merely ignorance, can I not say that they are thus ignorant of the misogyny they are exemplifying? That it is so engrained, they, and often we, cannot even see it?

My dad says I’m cherry- picking events to align with my patterns, but is that not belittling to my perspective and experience? I understand his perspective is different, but if I keep finding myself in instances where my integrity is in question, merely because I’m a woman – how can I not see patterns that then support my theory of an underlying misogyny in the world we live in? Dad says misogyny is a hatred of women, and disagrees with my meaning it to stand for the not so much hatred, but the “less than” treatment we get. For me, in my communication of the issues at hand, misogyny does mean how we, as women, are treated, valued, credited, so much less than men, by men and women alike.

I’m finding my visions of misogyny also align with a lack of confidence across females and an overconfidence in males. The misogyny I see seems to be correlated with obnoxious men and subservient women.

I find it incredibly sad that we have to have the hashtag “believe women.” Here, right now now, we have a movement about being honest and true to ourselves about our objectification, our sexual offenders, and how we cannot allow these transgressions to go on any longer, and big or small should be acknowledged because they cannot keep happening.

Yet, we have to appeal the need to actually believe us? Like, we are lying? After all this time of keeping it in, paining ourselves, we let it out, not to cure ourselves, but worsen it actually, even for those subtly connected to our lives. We have done this NOT to call attention to ourselves, but to call attention to the fact that we live in a world and culture where men dominate and women are subordinate and it has been a detriment to the greater good to live like this. We live in a world where men are more confident than women and assert themselves and women do not. It’s no one’s fault in particular, but we want it to be acknowledged that this has been the case and that we can change things. That we can speak up and both be listened to.

Monica Lewinsky didn’t call Bill Clinton a predator of any kind, but she still was blamed and the scandal named for her, only her. The blatant sexism of this was ignored. Her situation probably would have been made worse had it been of the world of the social media scene it is today, but if the #metoo movement had been around at all, she would have at least had some support, and someone to say, “He’s the president. She’s a young girl in college. None of this is her fault.” Because it wasn’t. But because misogyny was and still is real, the world will see her as the culprit, and according to my coworker, who I thought was progressive, but maybe not so much, blames her for the George W. Bush terms and the Iraqi War, so that makes me think that other people believe that, too, which is devastating.

I do think it was stupid that Bill Clinton had to have that kind of situation when many men in power have been unfaithful, even our current president, and it makes me wonder if it would have been better for him to deny it somehow, and why Monica had to come out with it, if it wasn’t assault. But Bill Clinton is fine apparently, his wife ran for president. Monica, she’s probably had a much much much harder time. How is that fair? Do we not live in the same world, today, 20 years later?

Part of feminism is understanding that women can be equally evil, but Monica was not malicious. I don’t think any of the women, or men for that matter, who have come out about their sexual assault experiences have any kind of malice, but that they want to make sure that the truth is heard. That no one has to deal with anything like that again, at least not in silence or in hiding.

Speak your truth. Own things that happened to you. Call people out for treating you like you are less than.

No, we don’t always know when a man intends to make advances, or if his actions means he wants something more. Usually, in my experiences, this is the case. BUT, there are men who are naturally very tactile and emotive, and we can start asserting ourselves to men for making us feeling uncomfortable. This movement should help us tell men to their faces that a gesture makes us uncomfortable. This movement could or could not start a stream of accusations and court cases, just because we have a voice now. Yes, men who have actually committed sexual assault and harassment should be arraigned and justly punished. But men who make you uncomfortable because they’re creepy, or dumb, or unaware, sue them if you want to. They need a good talking to, maybe many times over. So tell them like it is. This is a whole new world. But before you sue Joe Biden, think about how much more we need to do for retribution against the incumbent president. 

Girls and boys have not come out about their assault experience for pure terror of not being taken seriously.

I resent the people that supported Kavanaugh, and Cheryl didn’t lie about anything that happened to her, it just didn’t really matter in the end that he may have done this to her. This is the world we live in. Cheryl didn’t come forward lightly about this, she was just trying to warn the world that he isn’t the best guy to serve on the Supreme Court for life when there are better options at hand. It sucks that she wasn’t taken seriously.

I want to talk about power dynamics. I want to talk about how the movement to help bring women their voices so that there are less grey areas about when a women is comfortable or not. We need to feel empowered to speak up in any situation of discomfort instead of giving into something because the man wants us to.

No, we can’t always speak up, thus the man needs to also be educated on what is appropriate. Think about the position of power you are in compared to the women, in terms of gender roles of the world we live in, and in terms of how much more confidence men are shown to have than women, overall, in every age group.

Men will be overconfident where a women is quite less than, thus contributing to an unequal dynamic in power, regardless of the industry or situation you find yourself in.

Take this into consideration, boys, men, girls, ladies. Boys, second guess yourself and if she really wants it, ladies, let it be known if you don’t. We need to both change for things to equalize. We need to empower women and let boys be vulnerable with words instead of assertive with hands.

Even my man, my boyfriend, the most feminist of men that I’ve met, is convinced that there is fear about being “caught up” in the #metoo movement. There’s no reason for this fear if we can all be more honest about our feelings and intentions.

A whole new world means girls and women will start to have more confidence in themselves and their voices because this movement will give them the support to acknowledge the power difference and susceptibility of their nature, and give them the tools to counteract and move forward.

So, dad, when I say misogyny, maybe you’re right in that I’m wrong, it’s not a hatred of women that the world has been exuding, but I assert that I am right in that it’s a feeling of less than, felt towards women by both men and women, as evident if you look at levels of confidence and self assuredness, and the still present pay gap and lack of female representation in positions of power.

My father’s concern for the future of boys I believe is unfounded. I think having more empowered girls will only help the world and our boys be better boys.

I think women want the world to be better for everyone, I don’t think we’re trying to take over, as much as Selena Meyer (Veep) is an apt figure for a female in the day of politics that it is, she is still of a world that doesn’t exist. We are not in this whole new world quite yet. We still have some way to go. As much as my father begs to differ, we do not live in an equal world. Not until women and men feel as equally compelled to fulfill their dreams and open their minds to all the possibilities.

A more equal world means everyone will be more confident in their desires and actions to go after what they want. White men have been privy to this feeling, and I don’t think it will fade for them just because women come more into their own.

No one’s abundance has to mean anyone else’s failing. There is room for all of us. Capitalism will have you believe and not believe that, all at the same time. My dad says that women have never excelled as much as they have in the present capitalist world. That may be true, but we’ve also never seen women come out of their shells as much as they have within the last century. Women are becoming more confident. We will work towards working with you, growing together, if you can fight the misogynistic tendencies this world is constantly putting on us.

Aladdin has all the confidence, even before he gets his wishes. Jasmine has the natural glamour and power, yet, isn’t allowed to have the confidence she inherently has, and the pauper must become a king for the princess to be a queen? Let us be queen and have our pauper or our princes, or none of the above. Jasmine had her cat and could have ruled the world just fine. Her dad wanted her to find a husband though. Thank god she rejected the patriarchal pressure to marry rich. 

Maybe I am the post modern feminist my dad claims I am, but I don’t see the equal world he sees, so I’ll keep fighting the good fight, until we actually do live in a whole new world. 


Several of the articles here have started as conversations. This is one of those. And it’s a conversation I keep finding myself in.

This guy said he does believe in feminism but doesn’t want to call himself a feminist. He said he wants a word that doesn’t have the “femme” in it, but that means everybody is equal, sure, men and women, but also that is more inclusive of other terms of gender/sexual identities like gay, trans, etc.

I understand what he’s saying, but to me, this points to just how deep misogyny has placed itself. Ok, sure, Equality is our goal, and maybe that’s the only true umbrella word, but for all intents and purposes, I think Feminism does that, and more.

Even though you believe that men and women are socially, economically, and politically equal, different but the same, you can’t use the word that today we are using to mean exactly that?! Because it has the “femme” in it?!

Feminism is that umbrella word for equality that we need today. We need to put females at the forefront in the progress toward equality, and in doing so, equality of all peoples will progress with more success than if we let the misogynistic mentality in power continue to control our resources.

If feminism means that women are equal to men, equal in the sense that we are capable of everything and anything we aspire to, and have not been treated as such, and are still not treated as such, then this means that all men and women should be treated equal, regardless of where on the male/female spectrum of individual identifies. It is the term that means all humans are equal. It does not mean that women are better than men. It means that we want to be treated as HUMANS – as men are treated, with respect and trust because they are believed to be capable and responsible humans. There does not need to be a strict divide, there cannot be a strict divide anymore.

But to call yourself a humanist, instead of a feminist, because you think that’s a better word for the equality we’re striving for, is to not acknowledge the fact that women and the feminine aspects of our natures have been looked down upon, seen as less valuable than our male counterparts. It’s the same as saying all lives matter instead of black lives matter – it’s not acknowledging the issues at hand. The true oppression that we have felt as a female gender, and that black people have felt, must be acknowledged in order to be rectified. This is the first step. We must have empathy.

This guys says to me, “You must be happy then, with the #metoo movement.” Ummm… That’s really not a good way to put it, but yes, I am happy that boys and girls are speaking out against sexual harassment and assault, because we cannot let the world function like that anymore. We must be comfortable speaking up for ourselves, and I made the point that this movement is not just for girls. Boys get raped and taken advantage of all the time, and it’s not a weakness to say that you’ve been victimised, because we are all just humans and it is possible for any one of us to be susceptible to exploitation!

He said, “Don’t you think a guy is a pussy if he gets raped?” And to that I say, absolutely not, he is a victim. And don’t you see the sexism in that entire statement? You’re calling a man a female body part when he’s been assaulted?? The toxic masculinity in that statement is terrifying. To feel the pressure to be so manly that you can’t prosecute your rapist, is terribly sad and cannot continue. Thus, women must also come forward against their aggressors, and inspire men to do the same, and see the uselessness in rejecting vulnerability. It is incredibly destructive to the person and to society to blame the victim.

If you are a humanist, be a feminist, too. Say that you are feminist in your conversation with others, that you believe in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes. It is not a projection of women being better than men, but better than they’ve been thought of historically. Treat us better than we have been treated in the past. Let us have ownership over our bodies and dreams and desires. Men have owned everything for a long time. Women have engrained the feeling of less-than, and we’re finally starting to see ourselves as more than, not necessarily more than men, but more than we’ve thought of ourselves, more than we’ve been thought of.

We need to solve the world’s problems creatively and collaboratively, and that means women must come to the front. To not tap into the potential of a more feminine ways of life is to disregard beautiful perspectives. We must look at things in a new light. We all must be more woke.


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Well, even if you cannot, here’s what I saw.

If watching Roma doesn’t turn you into a feminist, I don’t know what will.

If watching Big Eyes doesn’t turn you into a feminist, I don’t know what will.

But, there are lots of things I don’t know.

What I do know is that Roma paints a picture of life as a woman in a developing country, and the strife that is the female situation regardless of class, regardless of intelligence or skill.

I know that Big Eyes paints a picture of life as a woman in a developed country, and the strife that is the female situation, again, regardless of class, and regardless of talent.

I felt the pain of all the women in the films. I felt them sacrificing for their men and ultimately disappointed and dejected by their men and by themselves. I felt them bond together to build something new after an abandonment of the original ideal.

What was the original ideal? A man that would take care of them. And that women are to take care of men. And their children. And everything else.

Traditionally, men say they were put on the earth to be in charge, to fight for control, to protect their women and children.

But then, what do men do? Watch Roma. and Big Eyes.

Of course women are having a moment, forming a movement, developing a revolution.

Women have been dismayed by the promises broken.

Toxic masculinity has been a motif throughout history, sure, men deal with their hormonal aggression in a myriad of ways, as history and literature have shown us. Women have been taught to deal with toxic masculinity by… being everything that a man wants her to be.

I see women happily have their man’s babies.

I see women who are thankful for their children despite the man.

I see women who don’t want their baby and feel inhuman about it.

I see men who don’t want their babies and don’t feel any bit of guilt about it.

I see women who think they are putting the child first, but are casually manipulated into putting the man first.

I see women band together to take care of their babies after the men have left them.

I see men take what they want without worrying about who they hurt.

Men rely on women without giving them any ownership in what happens to them.

Women have been taught to put men first. Yet blessedly are burdened with also putting the children first. Women may be abandoned by their men but will rise to the occasion to take care of their children. Because they have to. Because they want to. Men have, (God has? the patriarchy has?) over time, built in women this responsibility of childcare and in doing so have relied on them for the continuation of our species, without thanking them for it appropriately.

Telling themselves that they are the ones being responsible because they have dicks and swords. How do they believe they are so powerful, when women give life to the world? Despite their need of a man, that role can be so small in the persons that females are responsible for building. How much responsibility is given to the mother when the child is messed up? So much. Yet men get so much responsibility just by being absent.

Men have been taught to put themselves first. And in doing so, he believes his wife and kids will fall into line. Sewing his seed is important, sure, but men make their role whatever they want it to be, whether they choose to see that that’s the way it is, it is the case. Women have little or no choice in their roles in life, and of motherhood, expected or not, accepted or not.

Our lack of choice in what becomes to us is a disadvantage of the patriarchy. A form of oppression. A form of control.

I saw an artist suffocated and stolen from, because of her love and abandonment of reason for the man she loved, for fear of abandonment by him? For fear of the sake of her child.

Women have put men before themselves and put men before their children. There is an evilness in that. Women who do that are actually punished, though, and not appreciated for their sacrifice. As we are now being shown.

Men have been taught to demand respect. Women have been taught to give it, to such a degree, that they lose self-respect. They give everything of themselves. Men take. They are accustomed to taking. To asking, sure, but also to taking without asking.

We are demanding respect now.

We don’t have to be available.

We don’t have to be at your beck and call.

We don’t have to do what you want.

We don’t need you at all. Not in the way you think.

In fact, you might be surprised and delighted, so let us speak.

It is time we tell the world our mind

Share our ideas and solutions in kind

A feminine spin to rewind

A system to dismantle

An agenda of humanity

A shifting of the tide

Roma is an enjoyable black and white beauty… a collection of moving pictures that form a story that transcends time and place.

Big Eyes is as sad and pretty as the art that is glorified and abused for the commercial candour that is The Man. A woman driven crazy by the possession of her work, consider it like a child, her art, taken away from her by the selfish desires of a pathological liar.

I see these women as mothers, but I see them as so much more than that, as well. Complex female characters is what cinema has been lacking for far too long.

Different examples of women doing what is expected of them, being disappointed with it, and doing something completely different.

Men have had many examples for them to follow and to inspire them.

Finally we have more than princesses waiting to be rescued.

More than a simple heroine wanting to find a hero.

More than a distressed lady looking for a lover.

We are finally showing each other the reality of what comes after ‘Happily Every After.” What do you do when your happy ending isn’t so happy?

We can be something after being mothers. We can love children and not have or want our own. We can have art and work that is as important to us like a child is.

My sassy responses to whether the US is following the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.

  1. All are equal and free. Is this true? Is systematic segregation real? Is white male privilege real?
  2. No discrimination? My ass..
  3. If we all really have the right to life, why are guns so easy to obtain? Are we really protecting each other?
  4. Cool, no slaves anymore. (But how recent was that? Think about it.) minimum wage is an unlivable wage in most places…
  5. Trump is torture. Women being forced to have babies they don’t want to have is torture. Handmaid’s Tale is the world we live in.
  6. Do we all have these rights no matter where we go? Are we helping refugees who have nowhere to go?
  7. Really? All are equal before the law? OJ? Kavanaugh?
  8. Our rights are protected by law – are cops helping everyone?
  9. There are way too many innocent people in jail.
  10. Right to trial? The system is fucked.
  11. Are we innocent or guilty? Sure seems like guilty until proven innocent.
  12. Excuse me, Equifax.
  13. Freedom to move? Sure. I wish this one right people exercised more. We would all be better humans if we saw life outside our bubbles.
  14. Again, are we welcoming refugees?
  15. If you’ve grown up here, you have the right to be here! DACA
  16. Umm, women, how about the right to NOT have a family?
  17. Yea, stealing is bad. Tom Price.
  18. Think what you want. Don’t force it on others.
  19. Express yourself. Don’t hate on others.
  20. The right to public assembly is for defending yourself, not for attacking others.
  21. Um, did America choose their leader? Did we, really?
  22. I’m sorry, who here has affordable healthcare? meds? education? Very few of us.
  23. Women, are we being paid fairly?
  24. Do we really all have the right to play? Then why do most Americans only get a week or two or less of vacay?
  25. How many homeless in America?
  26. Copyright. Copycats.
  27. A free and fair world.
  28. Are we protecting each other?
  29. How many people have died from guns?
  30. freedom… but the man. He’s always watching. The level of anxiety in this country is ridiculous.

Eleanor Roosevelt was apart of writing these. We should be proud of that. But can we be?